I don't feel like it, I don't want to, you can't make me....

No has become one of my most favorite words. I used to say yes to almost everything and now I realize what a liberating word No is. I started embracing the word no in my late thirties early forties. While I still make mistakes by saying yes at times I have learned that saying no was the most healthy thing I could do for myself. I also appreciate this from others, when I ask someone to do something, if they don't want to I'd rather them say no than say yes and not deliver or say yes and be bitter and do a crappy job. Saying no thank you with a smile, simply, with no excuses attached, is absolutely lovely and quite empowering.

My husband is a saint 99% of the time he cooks dinner for me and as such, I am supposed to wash the dishes. That arrangement seems to be the general rule for most families. Sometimes I just don't want to. Sometimes he is ultra saintish (if one can be that) and washes them for me. Sometimes I just do it in the morning. Either way, it's ok, he has learned to laugh at me in all my annoyingness. This enneagram six gets irritated when demands are put upon her as being told what to do. He knows that I will it do when I want to and will not tolerate being told or forced to do so.

Now washing the dishes really doesn't bring the power of no to the forefront. I used to volunteer a lot and I learned that just because you can do something doesn't mean you should do something. I would do so much for others and many times it took away from my family and ultimately did not give me joy because they were not happy. I over-extended myself and while my intentions were good the costs to my health and wellness and wellness to others suffered.

If you are active in any type of organization such as a church and are a yes person you can really get into a never-ending cycle of being the person that everyone goes to because you will say yes and get the job done. If you are this person you probably always do a stellar jar as well.

When I was learning to use the word no I would lean into one of my favorite scriptures, "let your ‘Yes’ mean ‘Yes,’ and ‘No’ mean ‘No.’ (Matthew 5:37). While gathering the links for this scripture verse I stumbled upon this blog written by Natasha L. Robinson and titled How to Let Your Yes Be Yes, and Your No be No I really couldn't say it any better.

I am still working on this as my heart really wants to help in so many ways. Most of the time I am wise enough to stop, think it through quickly, and exercise my no initially and firmly if need be. Less and less I find myself in situations where I over-commit and can not fulfill fully and do my best work. If I find myself in this situation and I am performing sloppy I am perfectly ok with admitting my error and will confess to those involved that I have done so. Basically, I am perfectly ok with firing myself. The best scenario is using that beautiful word NO first so as not to disappoint anyone.